Living “with” and “in” PAIN! (Article)

Written in honor of my Mother Priscilla Ann "Jones" Gore - see her obituary here

Mom & Me (My Wedding 2015)

For most of us our day-to-day existence Is free from the pain of a chronic illness. But there is a population in our society that “live” with and “in” pain every day of their existence. Whether it is a constant ringing in your ears, an ache or a pain from a sports injury, or having a long-term illness such as COPD, neuropathy, kidney disease, or something more horrible. There are people in our midst who live “with” and “in” pain.

Some of these people suffer quietly in silence while others use a coping mechanism that gets them negative attention. You may not see the type of illness that your loved one is dealing with on a repetitive, consistent basis. They may be afraid to say what is really going on with their body for various reasons. Sometimes a person's harsh reaction or negative atmosphere is a sign that this person is in pain.

Some medical solutions are not solutions at all. When you consider the plight of someone who is battling mental illness or chronic health distress. Stop and consider what is really going on in the heart and mind of your loved one. Their cry for help may not be the actual words, “help”. It may show up in a raised fist, a sarcastic mood, or an angry tone. We have to start looking at this for what it is, “A cry for help”. Some people live in the fear that if you ask for help too many times they will be set aside and ignored.

Unfortunately, some people's experiences have left them to suffer “with” and “in” their pain in a state of loneliness and helplessness that causes them to despair life itself.

Some people are fortunate they have friends and family who can look beyond their negative behavior and see the simple truth for what it is. This is a person who is hurting deeply. This is a person who does not want to hurt anymore. They want their life back. They want to be able to do the things that they used to do. The unfairness of having to live “with” and “in” pain cannot be understated.

Thinking from the perspective of this person, you can look out around you and see that life is going on in some instances without you. This is a hurt that is often felt but never spoken of. There is a betrayal and a sense of hopelessness for those who live “with” and “in” pain. They feel betrayed by life. They feel betrayed by those who are healthy. They feel betrayed on a level that is beyond our ability to know. We must do our part and remind them that they did not ask to be the one who lives “with” and “in” pain. Remind them that no person in their right mind would ask to be in a situation where this type of suffering and hardship would continue on with seemingly no end. Remind them that this is not their fault. Even if they fight against it, remind them that they are loved by you.

Have you ever considered that those who live “with” and “in” pain feel a sense of guilt and judgment from others who are not living “with” and “in” pain. There is a sense of “I am less than” because I have been stricken with this malady, this ailment that never ends. If only I could break free from this and have you understand that I did not want this. I did not run to God and say this is what I want for my life. Give me a long-term illness. Give me a mental illness. Afflict me and give me pain. See beyond what they are doing and saying. See into their heart.

Put yourself in their shoes, in their place and consider that “but for the Grace of God, go I”. life is not as simple as we would think. We live in a world that is filled with corruption. We were given corrupted bodies and every one of us is subject to the same type of tragedy. Can you embrace the truth that someone around is living “with” and “in” pain? Can you do something to lighten their load?

Christopher Gore